Errands and the “Invisible Load”

I see you mama. The mama carting her newborn and toddler out of the store and attempting to keep your shit together. You turned for a second to put stuff in the back, while still carrying the baby in their car seat. Your beautiful second child wanted to play the hand drums on the side of my car and that was okay. It startled me a bit but that's okay. I saw the look in your eyes when you apologized to me. Just know it's okay. You are doing great. I was sitting in my car because this was my 3rd run to the store today and the load of everything is catching up. I just couldn't seem to get out of the car. Your kids and your smile brought me joy. I did see for a moment that the load is too much for you too. I could see that you wanted to let it all go for a minute and just be free.

I know the look because I share it. I also know how much you love your family. How much those kids make it worth it. So you feel guilty a lot for feeling like you need a break.

The thing is, it's 5:00 pm and you have been thinking about supper for at least the last 2 hours (let's be real it's longer). You have been thinking about how there is a pile of stuff sitting by the door that needs to go to the shelter or the thrift store. You walk by it every day and think, 'I swear I will get it to it today.' You are thinking that it's been a minute since you checked the baby's diaper but that you are going home right now so you will do it then. You are thinking that you still need to make prints of those photos for the family and that you need to add a bunch of appointments to the family calendar. You are thinking you are low on fuel but that you can make it home and back because right now it is 5:00 pm and you still need to make supper- also that last stop might actually kill you. You are wondering if you missed an appointment recently because it has been so hectic....what was it? Your hair, dentist, Pap test? You are thinking that after supper you should go for a walk with your family because it's nice out but then realize that you have to put laundry away and get the kids bathed. Wait, is there shampoo still or do you need to pick some up? The invisible load has been creeping up on you. All the things.

The house has been out of garlic for a month now and you feel guilty for forgetting every time you go to the store but the thing is, the partner cooks sometimes too so why can't they get the garlic. You might start to feel resentment about taking on everything but then think: how are they feeling? If I am feeling this way maybe I should see how they are doing. You realize it's been a while since you have even spoken to your partner in a deep and meaningful way....so now that is added to the list - the list you feel guilty about for having in your head because your relationship shouldn't be a task you check off.

I see you MAMA. I feel you. I truly empathize with you. Errands are quite honestly the worst for anyone with any sort of mental load.

I am learning to slow down. I am learning to set boundaries. I am working on figuring out how to be effective doing each thing each day. I see you mama of the two in the parking lot that day and I hope you are figuring it out too. I hope that we don't spend our lifetime figuring it out and that we get to live the peace that comes with being effective and being in balance. I wish for you a moment or two in the next moon cycle for stillness and peace. This is, and will always be, AboutU.

Sincerely,

AboutU

Writer

Victoria/Founder/Mother/Finding Myself